My Friend Annie
by alliemdex
Summary: An old friend of Sherlock comes into town and she brings with her a secret.
1. Chapter 1

This was a time of second chances. Coming back to New York, trying to sing again and not just be the wizard behind the music. For too many years I had sat in the back and let life happen. It was time that I let things go and make a change I needed to stop being the victim. He had taken away too much already and I had let him. A fresh start in the city sounded like a good idea, exactly what was needed to finally feel healed. Being in the city with Sherlock just made it seem like the right move. We had both seen each other at our worst and did not judge. That was what we were to each other. The moment I met him at Oxford I knew he was a kindred soul. I didn't mind his lack of tact, I found it refreshing. He had told me that rehab had been a waste. I knew he was lying, rehab had been good for him quite simply because he stopped using. We were two addicts who had to have a lightbulb in our head go off to make us stop hurting ourselves. For me it was Irene's death that made me wake up. For Sherlock, it was the moment he went through the rehab doors and lost control.

His dad had set him up with a sober companion. Sherlock at first thought it was a silly idea, but as the weeks past he admitted that she was good for him and kept him straight. I could tell he didn't want to disappoint her so he kept sober. He said that she reminded him of me and that we were both brilliant and patient.

Work was good for him too. And I was glad. He didn't talk much about it, just that it was good. It was a topic he knew that was a minefield for our relationship. So all he would say is that it was keeping him entertained.

I called him when I first landed in New York to tell him I was here. I had not wanted to call him much earlier because I might have changed my mind or he would have made me feel guilty for calling sooner. He was a little shocked when I told him where I was and said that he insisted we have dinner. He wanted me to meet Joan. Their relationship had changed lately and he was interested to hear my take on her. From his overall annoyance with her I knew I would like her and I knew that she was good for him.

We met at my favorite New York restaurant, a 24 hour Ukrainian restaurant. They were both sitting in a corner table with their coffee and water. The life of being a recovering addict means drinks at restaurants are extremely boing.

"Any room for an old friend," I whisper in Sherlock's ear with a smile.

"Always space and if you want to surprise someone you really should change your perfume." He kissed my cheek. My perfume, such a dead give away. I try to change it but I can't find anything I like better.

"Hi I am Annie," I reach my hand out to the woman sitting across from him, " you must be Joan?"

"I am, nice to meet you." It is always interesting to meet someone that you only have just heard about. You always have these images in your head of what they will look like and then you meet them and they never quite fit what you thought. Joan however was exactly what I thought. Sherlock is always a little too descriptive.

"So how was the flight?" Sherlock asked.

"Not as pleasant when you can't take a Valium." Sherlock knew that I hated flying which is why when I went somewhere I usually stayed for weeks and why flying across the pond was a huge step.

"Are you in recovery also? Is that how you two know each other?" Joan asks. Obviously Sherlock had disclosed nothing about the two of us.

"Not technically..." What do you say to a stranger about your addiction?

"She is in self imposed recovery." Sherlock answered.

"I just realized one day that I wasting too much of my life away. So I got healthy."

"The only good thing about Annie being healthy is that she is better at dealing with me." Sherlock smiled.

"So how do you two know each other." Joan asked.

"Sherlock did you not tell her anything?" I give him my stink face. "We met in school. I was a first year in Oxford and he was working with one of my professors. One day we just started talking and it just clicked. We have been friends ever since."

"So how many years is that?"

"Over 14 years dealing with this man. Sometimes I wonder if I am mentally imbalanced for putting up with him for so long." Sherlock gives me a stink face. "But the one thing you can say about Sherlock is that he keeps life entertaining."

"So what do you do?"

"Me, I work in the music industry, basically I produce and write songs."

"I am dying to know, what made you decide on this little trip? Work related or personal." Sherlock decided to break into the discussion.

"I was wondering how long it would take your curiosity. Work mostly. I have been working with an artist and he wanted me here when they preview his song tomorrow at a club."

"That is not your normal forte. Normally you just make the music and hand it off."

"I do, normally. But he offered and I decided to screw it. I needed to come back sometime and it just seemed like the right time."

"There is more to that story." He states simply.

"Truthfully, I am thinking about moving back. I have been away too long. My parents are getting older and my brother has kids now. Being in London just seems selfish."

"Are you thinking about New York?" Joan asks innocently.

"Yeah, why not." I answer. Then I take a sip of coffee.

Sherlock watches me for a second. I always hate when he does that because I know he is reading more than he is saying. "Good, I think that is a good idea. Fresh start, new city."

"Fresh start" I smile. The rest of the dinner is nice. I really liked getting to know Joan. The two of them seem good together. As we are getting up to leave I invite them to the club tomorrow night. Sherlock accepts and says he will call me tomorrow.

As he is hugging me good night, he says, "Call him." And I just look at him. I know I need to and I know this has always put Sherlock in an awkward position.

"I will." I will, I will. I swear I will. But not tonight, I have to be in a much more courageous mood.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day goes by quickly. The song is really good and I am really excited about where the album is going. As I am getting ready for that night for dinner and the club, I get a text from Sherlock. "Gregson called, got a case. Good luck tonight." I smile. I had a feeling it was too easy to act like everything was normal and Shelock wasn't working with Toby and that he could come out with me one night. But that was too easy. This was Sherlock and nothing was ever easy.

The club was as nice as a club could be. I am not much of a club girl, never have been. But the job requires it sometimes and I put in just enough to say I did it. Tonight though was more fun than usual. Maybe it was the company, maybe the club, or maybe just being home in the states. Somewhere around 1, I notice that my assistant Mark has been standing too close to me for nearly 30 minutes and he keeps checking his phone. Then I notice Sherlock and Joan entering the VIP lounge. They are not dressed for the club and both have very serious faces on.

Sherlock comes up behind me and whispers that we have to go. The look on his face, the tone of his voice causes a shiver to run up my spine. I don't argue with him. Instead I simply follow him as he and Joan put me in a car. Sherlock won't let go of my hand.

As we drive to my hotel, nobody talks. The cop who is driving us doesn't even introduce himself.

"What is going on?" I whisper, I don't actually want to know the answer.

"There has been a murder and at the scene there were a lot of pictures." Sherlock answers.

"Pictures of what."

"Pictures of you." He then squeezes my hand tighter. "We are going to get your things and you are going to stay with us for awhile."

"Pictures of me?"

"In a scrapbook"

"Who was murdered?"

"A woman."

"How" He is giving me information in pieces, so I knew it was bad.

"She was strangled." He doesn't really need to say more, I don't want to know more. We stop at the hotel and walk up to my room.

I open the door and the smell almost knocks me out. I know that smell. I walk further in and see my bed. The body doesn't look real. She is splayed out on the bed her limbs tied to the corners and she is perfectly still. I hear them around me making commotion, but I can't stop staring and smelling him. He has been here, he has been in my room. Sherlock guides me out and keeps talking to me. I don't really know what he is saying. I slide down the wall. He puts his hands on head and kisses my hair. He puts his jacket over my knees and covers me up. It is like I am in the middle of some horrible dream and I keep repeating that this is not happening. This is not happening. But I can't get that smell out of my nostrils.

I don't know how long I sit like this, I honestly don't care. There are a lot of people coming in and out of my room. I hear somebody yelling to get another room and have I seen an EMT. Then he kneels in front of me and puts his hands on my hands.

"Annie, we are going to get you out of this hallway." I look up and I see those eyes. I forgot about how blue they were. He is worried about me. I can tell. I don't say anything. He puts his hands on the sides of my face and kisses my hair. That smell I forgot how much I miss that smell, his smell. The emotions over take me and I get sick. Toby just holds my hair back and asks for water. He makes me drink it. "You need to get up."

He helps me up and this is the first moment that I see the scene in front of me. There are tons of police officers talking to people taking notes. Sherlock is in the room; Joan is standing outside the door watching me. He has put her on the lookout. Toby grasps my waste and holds me up. It is the first time in a long time, in which I have allowed any male to do this without flinching. Tonight though I don't care, tonight I want to crawl into him and hide.

"Let's get you into this room and have you looked at." He sits me on a chair in the room opposite of mine. An EMT does some of my vitals and leaves. Toby pulls up a chair next to mine and holds my hand. He is holding my water. The driver of the car comes in also and sits on the bed. He takes out his notepad. Sherlock and Joan both enter.

"We need to ask you a couple of questions." Toby says quietly. He moves his chair a bit so that he is almost in front of me. "This is Detective Bell, he works for me. Is it okay if asks you some questions."

I nod.

The detective looks nervous. He is probably trying to figure out what is going on. "Hi Annie, you can call me Marcus. These are just some questions to help us figure out what happened okay?"

I nod again.

"When did you come to the city?"

"Yesterday around noon."

"And you checked into this hotel?"

"Yes."

"Was anyone with you?"

"My partner, Aaron and my assistant Sophie."

"Good. Did they see your room yesterday?"

"Yes, we had a meeting last night to go over our agenda before I went to dinner."

"And who did you have dinner with?"

"She had dinner with us." Sherlock chimed in. "Annie, did you take anything on the plane ride?" What did he just ask me, I turn and stare at him. "Just want to double check."

"No, I didn't take anything. I have been working on meditation, so no drugs required."

"What time did you leave the dinner?" Bell continues to ask his questions. Toby is rubbing my hand with his thumb. He is trying to calm me down. It is funny the little things that you remember and miss. His hands simply holding mine, that I miss. For the longest time that was the extent of our intimacy and now it reminds me how much I have missed it

"Around 11."

"And you came straight back here."

"Yes."

"And in the morning, what did you do?"

"I, um, went for a run through Central Park at around 6:30. Came back and took a shower. Aaron, Sophie and I met to go to the studio at 9."

"Did you come back to the hotel?"

"Yes at 5 to rest and get ready."

"When did you leave?"

"At 7. We went to this restaurant called Craft and then went to the club."

"Were you with people the entire time?"

"Yes."

"Did you notice anything suspicious today?"

"No." I start starring at my hands.

"Do you know a man name Glenn Reads?" Toby asks and I jump a little. I stare at him, why does he know that name.

"He is in England."

"Immigration says that he arrived on the same plane as you yesterday." Bell adds.

"I am going to be sick." I run to the bathroom and get sick in the toilet. Sherlock is standing there in the doorway. He has shooed everyone else away.

"You need to tell them." At that notion, I vomit again. I splash some water on my face and stare into the mirror. Him, he is doing this. I am still his victim. Sherlock kisses my forehead. "Don't allow him to keep you a victim."

I walk back into the room and see everyone standing up. Sherlock walks me back to the chair and sits on the side. "Tell him."


	3. Chapter 3

Toby sits back down in front of me. He doesn't take my hand again. I can tell he is nervous.

"Glenn Reads, stalked me for a couple of years. I have a restraining order against him."

"According to Scotland Yard, you filed a claim against him in 2007 but the charges were dropped." Bell is reading something off of his phone. Toby is watching me. "You charged him with rape but then the charges were dropped for insufficient evidence. So who was Glenn Read to you, an ex-boyfriend."

Sherlock squeezed my hand. "No." I whispered. "Glenn Reads was not an ex-boyfriend." I take my hands back and put them in my lap.

"They need to hear the story. Tell him." I don't know if I can do this. "You recognized the way the body was, didn't you." I had never really said the whole story. I could never bear to.

"Yes and the smell, his smell. It was all over the room. "

"You need to tell us what happened?" Detective Bell says quietly. Toby is just sitting there, staring at me.

"I never wanted you to know." I look at him, at his eyes.

"Tell us what happened." He answered back. "Who is Glenn Reads"

I close my eyes and breath. "Glenn Reads raped me." Toby stares at me.

"When?" He asks

"On the day I was supposed to fly here. The day I missed my 10:34 flight to JFK." Toby gets up and walks out of the room. I almost don't know if I can take any more. I want to shut down. I wish at this moment I had anything that would get me out of here that would make me forget. I hear Sherlock get up and walk out to.

Bell takes over his sit and takes my hand. "You need to tell me what happened."

"I, um, was moving back to New York and was nervous about flying. I decided to have a beer, one last time at the pub. Glenn Reads sits next to me at the bar and starts talking. You know how there are those people who are just really easy to talk with, he was one of them. He saw that I was nervous and was telling me all of these reasons why flying is not so bad. He buys me another drink." I breath. "I don't really remember much after that. I woke up trying to catch my breath. The sunlight was shinning in and I couldn't really see anything. I was choking for air and my arms and hands were tied. I was on a bed and he was on top of me. His hands were around my throat. I couldn't see him but I could smell him. He was inside of me and I couldn't scream. Every time he came he chocked me and caused me to black out a bit."

"How long?" Bell asked. In the corner of my eye, I notice that everyone has shifted a bit. Toby and Sherlock must have come back in.

"I don't know really, it was dark when I got out. He said something about being hungry and got up and took a shower. The room was cold, I noticed that for the first time, he was off of me. I couldn't really feel anything. When he was in the shower, I panicked because I couldn't feel anything from the waist down. I had gone numb a long time ago. I knew I was going to die in that bed if I didn't do something. I remember Sherlock showing me how to untie knots and I started working on them. He got dressed after the shower and left the flat whistling. I untied the ropes and put on some clothing that was in the room. And I walked out. I don't know how long I walked. A woman stopped me and asked if I was okay. I couldn't say anything. She called over a police office and they took me to the hospital. She didn't let go of my hand until Sherlock came. He was my emergency contact."

"And the charges were dropped?' Toby whispered.

"He claimed that it was consensual. That we had an argument and I was just getting back at him."

"But your story."

"I didn't say anything, I couldn't say anything. The evidence was circumstantial and everyone at the pub said I went with him willingly." I was still looking at Bell, I couldn't face Toby yet.

"But the medical exam." Joan asked.

"He said I liked it rough and that the ropes were my idea." I am starting to cry now because I have never really said it aloud, I have never really said it. "He, umm, he umm talked to me all day like he knew me. It was like he was a jealous boyfriend. He talked about how I couldn't leave him that he wouldn't allow it. He talked about my family, about you." I look over at Toby, I can't read his face. "He talked about how I would never be more than a mistress to you that you would get bored and find out who I really was. It was like he knew me and knew all of my insecurities." I start to stare at my hands.

"I need the room." Toby says and ushers everyone out. He closes the door and kneels before me. He holds my head so that I look at him. "This is why you didn't come?"

I nod.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tears are in his eyes.

"I couldn't." I squirm a bit, trying to get out of this chair. Toby just holds my head more firmly. He knows if I could I would just walk away and act like nothing ever happened. Just disappear into the night. I could tell by the stiffness of his body, that he was not going to allow me to get away again. I had to tell him. "He made me feel so dirty and little. He got into my head and said things that made me want to crawl into a hole."

"Like you were my mistress?" I shake my head. "But you were never my mistress, you know that. You didn't break up my marriage."

"He kept saying it over and over. All of the fears I had about us, all of the insecurities. I know I didn't technically break up your marriage, but I didn't help it. And I knew that I was too young for you. I knew that people didn't support us. I knew that we were an odd match, even though it always felt like we fit. On paper we didn't make sense. There was a moment when he got mad at me and started yelling at me. Telling me that he would not let me leave him. Before it was over he started talking about how dangerous a job cops had and that so many accidents happened. Toby he knew me, he knew everything about me."

"What happened after? Why did you get a restraining order?"

"After the charges were dropped, he started calling and coming by my flat. He would run into me at the grocery store. I changed my last name and moved in with Sherlock to avoid him. He still found me. There was a period where I didn't leave the house for months. I stopped going into the studio because he was always there. I never felt safe. "

"How long did this last?"

"Um" I never wanted to tell him that I had been raped, I always thought I would never tell him. But telling him that my rapist convinced me to take my own life, that I was so tired of fighting that I wished I had died that day, that is something that I don't know if I can do. I know I need to, there are two dead girls, I need to tell him. "I, um, started getting better after a couple of years and figured out ways to avoid him. Sherlock set me up a new apartment with a lot of nosey neighbors who would never leave me alone. I had a state of the art security system installed. I felt safe finally. Three years after it happened, my parents came to visit. When I was coming back to my apartment after dropping them off at the airport, he was waiting for me on my stoop. I try to avoid him but he grabbed my arm and started yelling at me about not inviting them to meet. He was mad at me. He thought I was embarrassed by him. One of my neighbors, an old lady who always sits at the window heard the fight and came out yelling at him to leave me alone. Before he left, he whispered in my ear that the only way he would ever leave me alone is when I died. I knew he was right. So I went up to my flat and took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. My neighbor found me and got me to the hospital in time. They pumped my stomach. I went to a hospital for several months to get better." Toby stood up and walked to the door. His back was to me. I could tell he was trying to hide his face from me. I got up and stood behind him. "I am better now." With that he turns around and hugs me. He buries his head in my shoulder, he is crying. I hold him as close as I can.

He is mumbling something over and over. I try to maneuver to hear him. Finally I move so he has to look me in the eyes. He is crying and saying "I should have known, I should have come. I gave up on you. You needed me and I gave up."

This time it is for me to comfort him. I put my hands to the sides of his face and push him towards the bed so he is forced to sit. I kneel in front of him. "I didn't want you to know. "

"I gave up on you. My gut told me something was wrong but my pride believed what you wrote when you sent the ring back. Sherlock had called and said you missed your flight because you were sick and that you would call soon. But you never called. Then I got your ring and I just assumed that you had gotten together with Sherlock. That you had changed your mind. I should have known you better, I should have trusted you more."

"I wanted you to believe all of that so you wouldn't come. I didn't know how I was going to live, my less adding you into the equation. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and disappear. I didn't want you to come. I couldn't face you." The look he gave me, I could tell he was feeling helpless. I kissed his forehead, then his nose, his cheeks and finally his lips. At first the kiss was chaste, a quick peck. But then he kissed me and it was strong and needy. It was like he was kissing to hold on to me and I was kissing him to remember myself.

It was what we both needed at this moment. But it couldn't continue, there was a dead woman in my room. I pull back and put my head against his forehead, we are both breathing heavy. "I am not the same woman, Toby. He has made me a victim, made me weak. I finally had started to feel like I was normal again. Coming to New York was proving that to myself. I needed to leave London, I needed to get back to some sort of normalcy. He had taken too much away from me and I was tired of allowing it. I thought I had gotten rid of him. That he had been bored and moved on."

"When was the last time you saw him?"

"When I came back after taking Sherlock to rehab. He met me at the airport and I freaked out. Aaron was with me and he doesn't know any of it. He punched Glenn and then I didn't hear from him after that. I thought it was time. And then here I am and there are two dead girls that I caused."

"You didn't cause them."

"I could have stopped him a long time ago if I had just testified." This was always the guilt that hung around my head. I didn't testify. I wasn't strong enough to say what he did to put him behind bars.

"There is no assurance if you had testified that it would have been enough."

I smile. "True." Toby always did that, he always knew what to say to make me feel better. "I should have told you. I did need you. I was too scared to ask." I breath out and kiss his forehead. I look into his eyes. They look older than they used to, like he has seen more and been through more. But the glint that he always gave me was still there and still made my heart stop. The first time I met the man, he gave me a smile and I stopped breathing for a moment. There is no other man in the world that could do that to me. Only Toby.

"Well, you have me now and I am not going to let anyone hurt you. We will get him. " He kisses me again, this time it is soft and gentle. "I am not going to let him take you away from me again." I smile. That is all it takes for him. That is my forgiveness for five years of pain. I broke his heart and he has simply forgiven me in an instant. "Now we should go out and talk with them some more. Than you need to get some rest. I will have my guys figure out what stuff you can get out of your room. Then you will come stay with me."

"I should probably stay at Sherlock's." Staying with Toby is a bad idea.

"No. You will stay with me." He states so directly and so simply that I know he hasn't completely forgiven me. I will have to do things his way for a while, he will demand it. He is not a controlling man, never has been. I think he does it too much at work. But after an argument, he can be controlling. I learned not to fight it and do what he asks. He always has his reasons and they are always logical. His reasons for staying with him tonight, are probably for my protection and also probably because he is jealous. He never really understood my relationship with Sherlock, it always made him a little nervous. Ironically Sherlock never understood my relationship with Toby, it always made him a bit uncomfortable. It was like I was dating his dad or something and Sherlock liked Toby a lot more than he liked his own father.

"Okay." We both stand up and I take a deep breath, back to the real world. When we open the door, the hallway is the same filled with cops and Joan is standing in the doorway of my hotel room. She smiles at me. I feel Toby behind me, he has his hand on my back guiding me into the room. Sherlock is looking underneath the bed and smelling something.

"Good you are back. You said you hadn't heard from Glenn since the hospital. Why did you lie to me?" Sherlock asks not looking at me.

"I didn't want to worry you. You were in a bad enough state."

"You knew I would come back if you told me." Sherlock gets up and walks over to the table. He hands Toby a scrapbook.

"Yes. I was better and you needed help." I walk over to them. Toby is flipping through the pages. He shows it to me. They are pictures of me. Lots of pictures of me. I stop his flipping at one. A picture of me and a woman in a lingerie shop. The woman is holding up a negligée to me and I am laughing. "Irene" I whisper. Sherlock looks at me.

"Days before she died. I remember that, she was so excited about that blind date she set you up on." He smiled awkwardly at me.

"Yeah, Charles. She tried to get me to buy some new underwear for it. I gave in and bought some because she could be persistent."

Toby turns a couple of more pages and I am in all black at a grocery store. "After Irene died, this is like a timeline of my life."

"He has been watching you for a while." Toby says quietly. "So what else have you found?" He asks Sherlock.

"Well the girl has not been dead long, he did not take his time with her. It was very rushed and it was simply an act for him. His heart was not in it at all. Unlike the one yesterday in which there seemed to have been a great deal of anger."

"He was under a time crunch and wanted to make sure Annie found it." Toby was officially in cop mode now.

"Yes, she was drugged with something because she did not put up a big fight. He wanted to get in and out but leave just enough so we knew it was him. But there will probably be no evidence of him in the room. He has become too clever for that. He wants us to know it is him but not to be able to prove it." Sherlock looks at me. "Captain, can Annie grab some things? She can't stay here tonight. She will stay with me."

"She is staying with me." Again the directness, this is not up for debate. "Bell are we good with her personal items?"

"Almost, Annie why don't you tell me what you need and we will make sure it is okay for you to take." I nod and start to look around the room.

An hour later, we are all packed up and ready to go. I only grabbed the essentials along with my computer and guitar. "You got everything you need." Toby asks.

"Yeah."

"We will get the rest of the stuff back to you in the next couple of days."

"You don't have to. This is all that I need."

"Okay, then, Bell and Sherlock, if you need me just text. " He grabs my bag and starts to usher me out the door.

"Annie, text me when you get to the apartment." I can tell he is trying to figure out if I am okay with this arrangement. He is not okay with it and is trying to figure out whether I am or not. He has been looking after me for five years and suddenly I am allowing Toby to take over. This is not sitting well with Sherlock.

"I will." I give him a hug and whisper. "It's okay. I need to do this. I will be fine." He kisses my lips and I glare at him. Sherlock is being a bit territorial and wants Toby to know that.

"If you need anything, you will call."

"I will, but I will be fine." I smile and squeeze his shoulders. I say goodbye to everyone else and walk out with Toby.


	4. Chapter 4

I first met Toby because of Sherlock. They were working on a case and after having solved it went out for drinks. Sherlock called me to meet them. Sherlock had already told me about Toby. He really enjoyed working with him and respected him greatly. That night though Sherlock regretted introducing us. Toby and I hit it off immediately. But he was married and I was not about to become the other woman. Both mine and Sherlock's father's cheated on our mothers. This was not something that I would ever do. So I reserved myself that Toby and I would be good friends. And we were that, we talked at least once a week. When he came back to London we always spent a day or two hanging out. It was always very platonic except with the hands. We would hold hands sometimes or I would lean into Toby for too long. He always had his hand on my back and would guide me places. About a year after we met, I came to New York for a visit. Toby told me that he and Kate had separated. He swore that it wasn't because of me but I can't help but feel that he was lying. I helped Toby look for apartments. We talked about how Rebecca was handling it. We talked about how Toby was doing.

Kate and Toby had grown up together. High school sweethearts. She worked in publishing and he became a cop. She never really liked being a cops wife, but they stayed together because that was what you did. When he came to London for the first time, both had decided that it was a good idea. They had needed a break from each other. During that time, she had cheated on him with some writer she was working with. And he had met me. When he got back they worked at it again, but it just wasn't there anymore. They had originally agreed to stay together until Rebecca went to college. But Toby decided that they were just being stubborn and he was tired of living in limbo. They fought a lot about me. Kate didn't believe that nothing had happened. Toby didn't understand why she cared, since he had found out that the writer had not been the first man she had cheated on him with. So he asked for a divorce and had me help him find a new apartment. Which he still lived at, I discovered as we pulled up to the building.

Toby grabbed my bags and with his hand on my back walked me in. It was this pretty pre-war building in Chelsea. 2 bedrooms and lots of windows. I had helped with the down-payment because of all his money was tied up with the divorce. Technically, I guess you could say I owned part of the apartment. Walking into it was like walking down memories past. I always loved the feeling it gave. To me it was always home. The living room had all of these built in bookshelves and he had a tv and stereo system on another wall. It didn't look like a classic bachelor pad. I had helped him pick out furniture for it and helped with the decorating. He hadn't changed much. He opened the door to the master bedroom and Brady came jumping out.

We had gotten Brady when the divorce was finalized. I didn't want him to be alone so i convinced him he needed a dog. We were walking around Union Square one day and this pet adoption place was up. Brady came straight up to Toby and sat down in front of him. He feel in love instantly with Toby and we had to take him home. Brady now was being petted by Toby and he was asking if he was a good dog. Then Brady sees me and starts to growl a bit. "Its Annie, silly boy." Brady looks at me and then Toby then runs up to me and starts jumping and licking me. He does his little dance, causing me to smile. Toby puts my things in the guest room.

"He missed you."

"I missed him." Brady follows me into the guest room and jumps on the bed. "He looks good."

"Yep, older but doing well. He still sleeps with that old sweatshirt that you gave him the last time you left."

We stood there for a while in silence. The last time I left, I was supposed to be coming back in a month. That was when we were supposed to starting our life together. I don't really know how to mend this, we both don't know what to do know that we are here together. I decide that I need to break the silence and do something. "I probably should take a shower." Toby grabs me some towels and I head into the bathroom. I turn on the water. Hot, I need hot water right now. I am still feeling like I am in the middle of a dream/nightmare. The water feels good on my skin. I like to feel it burn like I can burn everything off. The last time I had been here was when we decided to move in together. I had flown back to get everything settled. We hadn't talked about marriage at all. When I got home and unpacked my suitcase, there was a ring box on the top with a note to call him. He asked me to marry him over the phone. He joked this way if I said no I didn't have to see his face. I didn't say no though.

I get out of the shower and look at myself in the mirror. The skin is older a few more lines on my face. The tattooes on my arms are new to him. The one on my back is not. I walk out in a towel and he is sitting at the counter with a whiskey in hand. He has another glass for me.

"I don't drink anymore." I state. He looks at me curiously. "Sherlock introduced me to his vice and it helped send me down the rabbit hole a bit. Made me forget. Until one day, until Irene died and I didn't want to forget anymore, so I stopped."

He drinks his quickly and then moves on to the one he had for me. He pulls me close to him. "How is Rebecca?"

"Good, she is in college now. Northwestern." He smiles.

"Chicago, what is she studying?"

"Pre-law. My daughter wants to be a lawyer. Get innocent people out of jail."

"And Kate."

"She is remarried."

"Do you like him?"

"He is good for her. A writer."

"And you are seeing anyone?"

"I have seen a couple of women but nothing seems to be fit." He goes back to nursing his drink.

"You."

"No." His hand is on my waist.

"Have you slept with anyone since?"

"Yes." He winces slightly. The idea of me with another man is not something he wanted to think about. But this is where I have to be honest with him. I need to stop lying and evading. "One this year and the other one years ago."

"Were you okay with it?"

"The one this year, I was pretty numb. And the other one hurt."

"Sherlock?" He asks.

"Yeah" There you go I said it. Sherlock and I had sex, it was one of Toby's biggest fears. The ironic thing was Sherlock's reasons weren't because really lustful, he thought maybe he could help. The deductionist in him said that if I could forget the last time and take the feeling away then maybe it will help me to heal. It didn't, instead it just made us both feel awkard around each other. "We were both high and he thought it would make me feel better. But it didn't. It hurt and it was awkward after."

"Hmm."

"I never really liked sex, you know. Never really got the whole thing. It was always just a thing to do. That was until I met you. When we had sex, I got it, you know. It made me feel good and loved. Glenn Reads took that away from me. He made it dirty again, an act that you must do every once in awhile." Toby is watching me as I say this. "I loved feeling you in me and watching you love me. I understood why it was holy." I put my hand on his check and kiss his lips. I can taste the whiskey. He is hesitant, not sure if we should do this. I stop kissing after a while and drop my towel. I am standing naked before him. He sighs a little.

"You okay with this. Because we don't have to." He puts both of his hands on my waist is stroking my skin with his thumbs.

"I need to do this. I need you. I want to know that he hasn't taken everything away from me." Toby gets off the bench and leads me to his room. He closes the door so Brady won't come in. The lights are out. He kisses my neck and the night begins.

I wake up in the morning feeling satisfied, comfortable, loved and a little sore. I reach over the bed and feel that Toby is gone. The door is shut and the curtains are drawn. I hear voices in the living room and the smell of coffee. I get up and realize that I need pants. I grab one of Toby's shirts. No underwear, right. I hear an argument and recognize Sherlock and Bell's voice. Okay so I need a plan, I can go out there with only a shirt on which would be awkward. I go through Toby's drawers and find some boxer shorts. Way too big for me. I decide that I will just have to ask for help or be brave enough to go out there. I decide the asking is the best choice. I poke my head out the door. We have a full house, Joan, Sherlock, and Bell. Toby is holding a manila envelope in his hands and it looks like he is going through pictures. There is a vase of flowers on the table. Those were not there yesterday. The concern on everyone's face causes me to forget my lack of undergarments. I walk out and up to Toby with the pictures. He flips them over so I can't see.

"Good morning." He smiles and kisses my head. "Do you want some coffee?"

"What were you looking at?"

"Nothing."

"Pictures of you and Captain Gregson last night. Somebody delivered them this morning along with those flowers. Good morning Annie. You do know that you are not wearing underwear." Joan smacks Sherlock and Bell and Toby both give him a wtf look.

"What do you mean pictures of me and Toby?' I grab the envelope out of Toby's hands. The pictures are of us in the bedroom last night. It was taken with night vision lenses so even though it was dark, you could see everything. I mean everything, somebody was watching and wanted me to know they were watching. I look over at the flowers – they are tulips, I love tulips. My favorite thing to do as a kid was to go to the tulip festival in Michigan. My dad and I would go every year. Somebody was watching me. I can't speak. Toby puts his hand on my back and walks me to the bedroom. He closes the door behind us.

"He was watching last night and wanted you to know that he was." My back is towards him. I look back at the pictures. They were so detailed, so erotic. Last night had been therapeutic for me, good. For the first time in a long time, I felt normal, I felt loved. And now I feel dirty again. I can't do or say anything. Toby takes the envelope out of my hands and comes around in front of me. He sits on the bed so that I can stand between his knees. He holds onto my waist.

"He wanted to make you feel dirty again. Wanted to make you feel like what you did was wrong. Don't let him have that control. Last night was not wrong or dirty and you were allowed to have it. Sherlock thinks he is getting angry because he has lost his power over you. The more angry he gets, the greater the chance he will slip up."

"He was watching us."

"I know."

"How did he know where I was? How did he know I would come here?"

"My bet is he has been planning this for a while. He knew where I lived and probably rented an apartment across the street. He has been following you and knew that you probably stay wouldn't stay in the hotel after we found the bodies. He knew you would come home with me."

"How would he know that I would come home with you and not Sherlock?"

"You said he knew you, right, that he knew things about us that he couldn't have possibly known. He knew you would feel guilty about how we ended it and would want to appease me. Let me be in control for a bit. He probably knew that is how you always handled our arguments. He knew I tried to take control and that you wouldn't fight me on it."

"And he knew you would be feeling guilty for what had happened that you would want to assert your alpha-male qualities and take me home."

He smiled at me. "Is that what it is? I always just thought it was caring."

"But your definition of caring is protecting, that is you. Plus add a little bit of jealousy in there."

He starts to rub my stomach with his hands and then finally puts his head on my stomach hugging my torso. I bend over and incase his head with the rest of my body. "He knows you too well. He knows that if he pushes just hard enough you might just break."

I look at the pictures on the bed. This is what he has done to me. Taken five years of my life, what could have been. I should have had babies by now and be getting up in the morning to make breakfast for my husband. I should be staying awake at night waiting for him to get home. I am still in love with this man in front of men, I always have been. But I let Glenn Reads take him away from me.

"I am not going to break though this time. I am not going to let him do that to me. These pictures, yes they are embarrassing and no I don't want someone watching us. But he can't take it away from me again. Last night was mine, you are mine. He is not going to win." Toby picks his head up and looks at me. I straddle him and start kissing his neck. "You are mine." I whisper as I nibble on his ear. I can feel him smile.

"While I really want to continue down this path, you forget that we have guests outside this door and they already know a little too much about us already." Toby says as he pulls away from me.

"Oh god the pictures, they all saw the pictures didn't they?" I bury my head in his shoulder

"Yes."

"How did you find them?"

"I didn't. Sherlock did. He came by this morning to check on you and they were on the stoop to the apartment building."

"Oh god, so he saw them."

"Yep and immediately called Bell and then came up to the apartment. There is now two police outside of the building for protection and we are about to send the pictures in for analysis of where they were taken. "

"Oh god."

"Yes, oh god. My entire precinct will probably be seeing me having sex with a very gorgeous although much younger woman, if I am not careful."

I pick up one of the pictures and take a look at our faces. "At least, they will know you are still virile."

With that Toby twists me around so I am lying on the bed and he is on top of me. "We will get him and this will be over."

"Okay."

"Last night though, forgetting all of this morning, last night was good, right." He is watching me, studying my reaction.

"Last night was very good."

"Okay then, let's get this day started. We both need to take showers and you will be coming in with me to the office."

"I need to go to the studio." The whole reason I am here is for the studio.

"Not now, you need to stay with one of us at all times. Can you make the arrangements with your people?"

I close my eyes, damn it. "Yeah, I think given the circumstances I can move some things around. But I will need to get some work done at your office."

"That is fine, you can use my office."

"Okay then let's get started." I try to wiggle a little but realize that Toby is not moving on top of me very quickly. "In order for us to get started, you will have to get off of me."

He smiles. "I really missed you." He kisses me and I lose myself again. The next thing I know Toby is in me and we have completely forgotten about the audience behind the doors. We are completely silent and just stare at each other. I forgot how good it was to come and much I loved the feeling of being totally loved. When I start to come, Toby grabs my lips with his and we breath into each other. Both trying our best to be silent. "You are mine." He says as he slips out of me.

"And you are not alpha male at all." I smile when he gets off. He pulls me and flattens down my hair. I do the same with him.

'Okay, so I will direct them to go and we will get ready for the office. How do I look?"

"Good." Toby gives me a knowing that is not what I meant look. "Oh, you mean will they be able to tell that you just fucked me?" I smile.

"Annie."

"Sherlock will, you know that. Now the question is whether or not he is going to be tactful about it, that should be your concern. He wasn't tactful about my lack of underwear and you seem to forget that he has a lot of alpha male in him too."

"This is not going to be good." He opens the door and tells them our plan. I hear Joan and Toby together yell 'Sherlock.' I am to assume that he was not tactful.


	5. Chapter 5

Toby and I arrive at the station a little while later. We got delayed again. Apparently the one thing that we are having issues with is keeping our hands off each other. It is like we opened the floodgates and are trying to make up for the five missing years.

Toby set me up in his office and I let the team know the plan. I have been working on album for Pink and she has come to New York specifically so we could work together and she could record the songs. I had done a lot of prework in London, so all we needed now was her voice and then I could start mixing. Her schedule only allowed three days, so we were under a very tight deadline. I decided that Aaron would work at the studio with her and they would skype me so I could hear. It wasn't the best way, but I had done it before and it was at least something. Tomorrow though I would have to go in and work with her.

It was odd sitting in Toby's office all day. I had never really been to work with him. Whenever I visited he would take time off or I would meet him at restaurants. Today, he tried to stay out of the office mostly so I had some privacy to work. Plus he was focused on my case and I guess didn't want me to hear anything. There were a couple of times during the day that I got distracted and just watched him out in the bullpen. It was interesting watching how everyone acted around him. It was clear that he was highly respected and that everyone was eager to please him. He was just that type of a man; you wanted to make him proud of you.

After the incident happened, I didn't know how to tell him. Sherlock kept telling me that I needed to, but I didn't know how to say it. What do you say, "Hi honey, sorry I missed the flight, I was raped yesterday." I guess you could say that I wanted the same thing out of Toby that his detectives wanted, I wanted him to be proud of me and this, this would not do that, this would make me a victim in his eyes. He kept calling and leaving messages for me to call him. They started out normal but by the third day they were desperate. A week after, I mailed a package to him with the ring and sent an email to end things. I don't even really know what I said in the letter, but it was enough to stop the phone calls.

In the back of my head it hurt that he gave up so easily. He didn't fight harder for me. I became mad at him for a while, but then I just missed him and didn't know how to correct everything. I followed him on the internet and kept track of all of his cases. I was the one who suggested to Sherlock that he should try to work with Toby once he got out of rehab. I knew that he hadn't gotten married again, though Sherlock told me that he seemed happy. He also told me that he still wore his wedding ring.

Sometime around seven, Joan comes in and says that we are ordering out and what did I want. Eight hours in a police station and it looks like it was going to be hours more. Luckily I have been pretty productive today and able to get a lot of the paperwork taken care of and Aaron did a good job at the studio. Tomorrow though I would need to get a lot of work done. When dinner came, Toby brought mine in and asked how my day went. He sat and ate with me. I don't know if you could say he ate, mostly he was on his phone or texting the entire time. Bell and Sherlock were working on a lead and I could tell Toby was frustrated that he wasn't with them.

"Is anything happening?" I finally decide that I need to start asking the questions or we would be here in silence all night.

He looked up at me. He was in captain mode. "We have a couple of leads that we are following. The information your colleague gave us has been helpful."

"Aaron, what did Aaron give you?" Aaron didn't know anything, how could he have give them information.

Toby looked at me for a moment; I could tell he was trying to figure out what to tell me. "The letters and packages that Glenn Reads was continuing to send you."

"What?"

"Aaron said that they always got to them before you could see them. He turned most of them over to Scotland year. But there were a couple that he kept from them."

"I was getting letters." Wait I was getting letters and nobody told me. Glenn Reads was stalking me again and nobody said a word.

"He didn't want you to get upset, so they had been handling it."

"Wait a minute, 'they' who was the 'they'?"

"Your assistant and him. I thought you at least know that you were still getting letters." I could tell that Toby was surprised by my reaction.

"No, I had no idea. How long have they been coming?"

"Aaron said that they started when you came back from New York."

"After I saw him again." I will not cry, I will not cry. I keep repeating this to myself as I stare down at my dinner. It was like being hit in the gut, realizing that this whole time you felt safe, you weren't.

"Yes." Toby put his phone down and moved his chair closer to mine. "Sherlock has a theory, do you want to hear it?"

I just nod. Do I want to hear it, not really, but I can't avoid it anymore.

"He thinks that Glenn Reads probably met you once and started to have this affair with you in his mind. In his mind, you were his girlfriend and every time you did something to move away from him, he reacts. There had been evidence that he had been following you long before he assaulted you. Sherlock thinks the act of you leaving London, caused him to snap. Just as it did this time. You were thinking of moving again, right?"

"He knew me before." What does that mean, how does Sherlock know this?

"Sherlock discovered some evidence that Glenn Reads met you at a friend's party. That you were probably friendly with him and he started following you. "

"When did he discover this?"

"When he was looking into the rape."

"Then why didn't he say anything." Just as I asked, his phone rang. He went to grab and put his hand on my knee. As the person started talking, Toby got up and left the office. He was outside and his voice was loud. He was angry and frustrated. When he walked back in, he sat down like nothing had happened.

"What happened?"

"They found the apartment he had rented across the street."

"And?"

"He wasn't there, but there was apparently a lot of new pictures of you. Including some more from last night."

"But they didn't find him?"

"No, but Sherlock has a plan…"

"And"

"And it is not a good idea."

"What is it?" Sherlock always has ideas, some of them are good and some of them are bad. But most of the time they work.

"It is not going to happen, so there is nothing to talk about." Toby kissed my forehead and I knew instantly what it was. Sherlock wanted to use me as a bait. He wanted to see if I could get Glenn to come out of hiding.

"It could work you know."

"It is not up for discussion."

"So what, we keep letting girls get killed to get my attention. I keep going on realizing that somebody is watching me. I keep letting him win."

"You are not going to be bait. He has already killed two women; he is not going to have the chance to hurt you again. It is off the table. " And almost on cue, my phone rings. "He is not going to talk you into this." It's Sherlock.

"Hi." Sherlock presents his case to me, its logical and makes sense. Toby is watching me, he knows Sherlock and knows that I am really listening to his idea. It makes sense, let me out in the world alone and see if it tempts Glenn out. Maybe even have me publicly fight with Toby or Sherlock. But that could be dangerous and that is what Toby is worried about. The what ifs are too much for him. The problem is I need this to end. I need to stop this somehow. "So where do you want me to meet you?" I still don't know what I want to do. But Sherlock has some information that he needs me to look at. "Okay, Toby and I will meet you there." I hang up and start to pack up.

Toby doesn't move. "You are not setting yourself up. I will not allow it."

"I haven't said yes yet. He has some things he wants to show me, to see if I remember anything. But if what he says makes sense, if it sounds like the best plan than I am going to do it. I can't live like this anymore. Glenn Reads took away my life and I want it back." I stand up. "I told you I am not the same person anymore. I have changed, he changed me."


	6. Chapter 6

The ride to Sherlock's house was quiet. Toby was not happy and I was not happy. When we walk into the house, I immediately remember it. Remember coming here during college and after. In my head it was very Sherlock.

"Good you are here." Sherlock walks up to us and ushers us into the house. It is the first time that I have seen him since this morning. Suddenly I remember what Toby told me, that Sherlock knew more about my rape, that he had been investigating it. So I slapped him, I slapped Sherlock hard against his face.

"Oww. What was that for?" Sherlock whines as he rubs his cheek.

"You were investigating my case and you didn't tell me."

"And I get slapped for it." He whines again.

"I told you not to look into it." I whisper to him. Sherlock notices that we are on stage and grabs my elbow and drags me down the hall.

"If you forget, investigating is what I do. And when my friend is hurt, I want to help. Yes I investigated some stuff but I stopped."

"I needed you."

"And I was there for you. But watching you made me feel helpless so I investigated some. I thought if asked, I could lead the police. But they never asked and you never wanted to know. So I kept my mouth shut. I fixed the things I knew I could."

"You fixed things." What things did he fix, what did he find out.

"I changed your email account and your phone line. He had tapped into both. Which is how he knew what you were doing. He also had himself added on to all of your credit cards, so I changed them too."

"How long had he been watching me?" How did I not know any of this.

"From what I could tell, he met you at one of Pete's parties about 2 years prior. He followed you from time to time but a year prior he started to become more obsessed. I think it is when you and the Captain got more serious. He started to realize that he was losing you."

"If you knew all of this, why didn't you tell the police." I was being stalked for two years.

"Because you told me not to." He looked at me with that silly puppy dog look on his face. "Plus my best friend was torturing herself and I knew that digging into this would not help you. You needed to move forward, so that is what I tried to do."

"I didn't really though did I." I was angry. I feel like my whole life has been a sham, that everyone has been keeping things away from me.

"You didn't, but then slowly you did. And now here you are." He smiled.

"What am I supposed to do now, Sherlock? Act like nothing is happening?"

"No you fight him. You start to defend yourself and stop acting like a victim." He was right, I can't just wait around longer.

"Toby isn't going to like it."

"It isn't about him though. This is your fight, right. You always kept him out of the loop on this one, why now do you suddenly care how he feels." That was a low blow.

"That was low."

"But true. You didn't want him in your life after the assault, why are you letting him in now."

"Why did you tell me to call him then?"

"Because…." Sherlock closes his eyes and breathes. He wants to say something, but can't. I don't know if it is because he won't admit it to me or is afraid to admit to himself. I know why of course, I know that Sherlock hates the idea of us together but always saw how good we were. He used to joke that I was seeing Toby because of Daddy issues and maybe it was true. But the real truth is that Sherlock hated seeing us together because of his Daddy issues. The other truth was that Sherlock was selfish and he didn't want to share me. He was a spoiled child in that regards. I knew he secretly liked it that he took care of me, that he protected me. Sherlock watches me for a moment. "So are you going to tell him or should I?"

"I will. He will be least likely to punch me." Sherlock had told me about M and about Toby's forgiveness to him.

"I wouldn't count on it. He has been extra territorial today. You really must have got him off a lot last night." On that I smack his shoulder. "I mean seriously, did you have to go at it like bunnies when we were in the next room."

I smack him again "Jeez, please don't remind me." I bury my head is his chest. "We should probably go in."

"Or we could stay here. I could always use an extra.." and before he says it I cover his mouth.

"Don't say it." I can feel Sherlock grin beneath my hands. "Okay brat lets face the music." I start to walk back down the hall and turn to look at Sherlock, he is smiling like a Cheshire cat. "Stop smiling."

"Why, can't a person smile?"

"Not like that."

"Like what." He says still smiling and walking past me. He is seriously going to be the death of me.

"Everything okay." I hear Joan ask.

All eyes turn to me as I walk in. Sherlock is still smiling and Toby is not. Bell and Joan keep looking at the three of us.

"So…" I start and before I can continue Toby says, "No, you are not. "

"It is the best way."

"It is not and I told you that you are not going to do it. Sherlock I told you the same thing, I also told you not to try to convince her. And yet you did." He is mad.

"This is the best way to end everything for good. What other way is there, continue hiding in your office. Are you going to be there 24/7?"

"I could be." We are both staring at each other. This is the argument that we had to have.

"No you couldn't. And this is my choice, my decision. It doesn't depend on you."

"No it doesn't, does it? It never has been. It has never depended on me on what I say or my feelings. It has always been your way."

"What do you mean, 'my way'?"

"You didn't let me in, that was your decision. You had no regards to what it did to me. I lost everything too that day and you didn't care." Toby is growling his words, he walks from me to Sherlock. "And you kept it from me. Like a spoiled child. You didn't like me playing with your toy, so you kept her from me. One phone call and you could have helped her. But you didn't, instead you decided that you were going to be her protector, that you were going to be the one to make her better."

"She didn't want me to call."

"But she wasn't okay and you knew that. She was not able to really make that choice. You didn't want me there."

"No, I didn't." Sherlock admitted it. "I didn't want you there. She didn't want you there. She was falling apart and she didn't want you to be there to put her back together. That is a pretty big statement don't you think. About you two, if when her world was falling apart she didn't need you."

"You bastard." Toby punched Sherlock in the face and was about to go for more when Bell held him back.

"Captain." Bell said as he pulled him back.

Toby looked at Sherlock and then me. I was crying by this point. What was going on, how was I supposed to react to this? Sherlock was right; I didn't want him there. The thought of Toby during that time made me sick. So why was I now letting him in. Was it really guilt? Did I just feel guilty for leaving him? I look at Toby and then look at Sherlock; both of them look like puppies fighting for my attention. "I can't do this." I run upstairs and go into the first room I see and shut the door. A few minutes later I hear a knock. "Go away." I can't think anymore.

"It's Joan." She pauses for a minute. "You're in my room."

I look around and realize that she is right. I get up and unlock the door. "Sorry"

"Its okay just thought it might get you to unlock the door." I sit down in front of the bed. "Can I join?"

"Yeah." She sits down next to me. I don't know this woman at all, yet for the last two days she knows almost everything about me.

"You okay?"

There is no more time for lying. "Not really."

"Do you want to hear what I think?" I just nod. "You went through a horrific experience and you have two men down there who love you deeply and would do anything to protect you. But the problem is they can't and that makes them feel powerless and overly male. So they are both trying to pee on their territory. But the thing they forget is that it isn't about them, its about you. This happened to you. And who you called to fix it, doesn't matter because they couldn't do anything."

"But how does that explain why I went to Sherlock and not Toby?"

"Because Sherlock was there, because he was a friend, because he was harmless, because he was fucked up. The Captain on the other hand isn't that. He is good and dependable and loyal. You know that if you had called he would have been there; he would have done everything for you. But he would have reminded you of what happened. Sherlock was able to make that go away."

"With the drugs?"

"With that and Sherlock. When you are with Sherlock, you are in this bubble that only you can see. And it is safe and interesting and not boring. It was okay to be messed up with Sherlock, but something tells me that it was not okay with Gregson."

"No, it wasn't. With Toby, we did everything by the book. We never even kissed until he was officially separated and did not have sex until he signed the divorce papers. I know it was a lot me and my feelings about everything. But Toby felt the same way, he didn't want to feel like he had done something wrong. When we met, I knew immediately that I loved him. It was instantaneous. But then he told me about his wife and daughter and I thought I missed it. Then we started hanging out and I thought I could be a friend with this man. That would be enough, so we were that for so many years. We would call and chat or email. He never talked about his marriage. I would talk about the guys I was dating. "

"And then?"

"Then I came to visit and he told me was separating. I helped him look for apartments. One night, we were up talking and I asked him about his wife and what happened. He said it wasn't because of me, but I helped him to realize that he was not happy. That I made him happy and he wanted to feel that again. And so we started, it was so innocent. "

"That is it. He was good and Glenn Reads took that away from you. This isn't about Sherlock or Gregson. This is about you. You need to feel good about yourself; you need to take ownership of your body again. And tell me if I am wrong, but the Captain last night, reminded you of what it was to be happy and feel pleasure in your own skin."

I smile. "It was obvious."

"It was more than obvious, you had this huge smile on your face. It was like you had a release and you could finally breath."

"Yeah."

"So don't let the dick waving around downstairs take that away from you."

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should fight this guy. I think you should be apart of us catching him. He has stolen your life and you need to steal it back."

"Even if it means, doing exactly the opposite of what Toby wants?"

"It doesn't matter what Toby wants, it is about you. He wants you to be safe and happy."

"You know what for five years, I was terrified how Toby would react. I felt guilty for everything. But now that I have, now that he knows it is like it isn't as bad anymore. I always walked around with this huge stigma, that I was raped and that Glenn Reads hurt me. But now that I have said out loud, I think it makes me stronger. I don't want to be under him anymore. I want my life back."

"Does that life include Toby?"

"I think so, I think it has always included him. He always made it easy for me and comfortable. It was like on paper we were an odd couple, but together we fit. But whether he is at that place still, I don't know. But I do know that if Glenn Reads is still in the picture, I won't be able to find out."

"So do something about it. Help us find him and put him away for what he did to you and what he did to those girls." She stands up and reaches for me. "Ready."

"I guess." When we enter the room, everyone is at their separate corners. "Sherlock tell me what your plan is." I pull up a chair at the table and Bell and Sherlock go over their plan. Toby sits on the couch and listens.


	7. Chapter 7

"You will have a fight publicly with me or the Captain. You will be upset and go to a bar, by yourself. You will fall off the wagon and have a drink. He obviously won't go for you in the bar, but he will go for you when you walk back to your hotel."

"So I will be like a mouse in a snake pit, just naively walking through the city."

"Pretty much, he doesn't need to know that you have changed. He probably knows you are here tonight. If he is as good at stalking as we think, this argument today was perfect. He knows that you are frustrated and feeling trapped. So he will think that you are giving up. Then we will catch him."

"Where will you all be?"

"We will have a couple of undercover cops following you. Then we will be in a van down the street."

"Will I wear a wire?"

"Yes.'" Toby says. This is the first time that he has talked since I came back down stairs. The sound of his voice makes my eyes water a bit. He comes up to the table and sits across from me.

"So when will we do this?" I am staring at Toby.

"Tomorrow night" Bell answers.

"And what are the risks?"

"That we won't get there in time and he hurts you again." Toby responds.

"But I don't think he will do that. You are too important to him. He has spent too much time and energy getting involved with you. In his mind, he is just trying to woo you back." Sherlock quickly responds back to Toby and to me.

"Okay. So let's do this. I have to be at the studio tomorrow, so afterwards."

Toby is watching me trying to figure out what he can and cannot say. "We will have a police officer with you at the studio and then we will meet you there and get you set up. "

"Okay. So until then, act like nothing is happening?"

"Yes, we need to act like we are going on with our investigation and you are still being watched under us."

"Okay." Everyone is silent for a while. We all look at each other. "It's late and I am tired. Toby can we go back to your place?" I am asking, just in case he is mad, just in case he doesn't want me to go back.

"That is a good idea. Bell can you arrange the police protection for Annie in the morning and I will bring her to the studio. We will work out the rest of the details of the plan in the office tomorrow." Bell nods. We all stand up. I go over and hug Sherlock. It is one of those good ole bear hugs.

Sherlock and I have this complicated relationship, always have. There has always been a little bit of tension between the two of use but mostly he is like my brother. I use to introduce him that way to people. He is this person in my life who I need there and for some reason I don't mind all of his quarks and issues. I find them endearing. He fascinates me. There was nobody like him where I grew up and it is interesting. Joan is right, that when you are with Sherlock you are in a bubble. You feel like you can do anything and nothing will happen to you. His curiosity is childlike and enrapturing.

Toby and I are silent as we drive back to his place. When we come in, he grabs the dog to take out for a small walk. I change. I sit on the couch because I don't know where to go. Should I sleep in his bed or the guest bed? Toby comes back and turns on some water for tea, before going in to his room to change. It has been a long night. He comes back out and pours two cups. He hands me one and sits at the opposite end of the couch. He is watching me.

"You don't have to do this, you know. We can catch him another way." He finally says quietly.

"I know. But I need to be apart of it. He did this to me Toby and I need to stop it." I stare at him and pull my feet up on the couch and turn towards him. "I am sorry I didn't call. I am sorry I didn't tell you. It was not that I choose one over the other. One was just there. If that woman hadn't found me, if I hadn't been taken to the hospital. I don't know if I would have told anyone. He made me feel helpless and I didn't know what to do. I was always confident and sure of myself. I always knew that I could take on anything. I mean growing up; I was more one of the boys, than I was the girls. I never felt girly or weak. But suddenly I was. I don't know if I can explain it to you…"

"You don't have to. I understand, but I don't really and I won't ever. I know that. I have seen enough victims to know that I won't ever be able to truly understand. But I can't say that it doesn't hurt and that I didn't miss you and that I am not a little mad. Okay a lot mad that you didn't tell me."

"I think that you being a cop was part of it, you knowing what victims are like. I never wanted to be looked at like that by you. And then suddenly here I was. I didn't call and I felt numb at first about calling. Then I was angry that you didn't just come and then I felt guilty. And then I just didn't know what to do to make it up."

Toby breathes and closes his eyes. I could tell he is thinking of how to say something. "I did come."

"What?"

"After I received the ring, I was so angry and hurt that I decided to come and figure out what happened. To try to win you back from what ever cold feet you were having."

"I didn't see you?"

"I sat across your apartment in a rental car and you weren't there. Your neighbor said you had been gone for almost a week. She thought you had moved. So by chance I went to Sherlock's and I saw you two going out together. He had his arm around you and I thought…."

"You thought that we had gotten together?"

"And I just kind of lost it for a moment. I am very glad that I wasn't allowed to bring my gun with me. But then I saw your face and I thought you were smiling at him. And I thought that this is better. I was always too old for you. Too complicated. You needed someone like Sherlock. So I made myself to be okay with it."

"It wasn't like that at all. Sherlock and I were never like that."

"Sometimes it was hard to be on the outside of you two. You had this connection, he was always there and you always wanted him there. Sometimes I felt like a third wheel."

"And then I call him instead of you to help…" Toby nods.

"I never really thought about it this whole time. I only felt like I was avoiding you because I was embarrassed and guilty. I know I ended things poorly. I know that I had no courage about anything. I know that you deserved more than that. But I never once thought that that I chose Sherlock over you. I always thought that I was cowardly and selfish for not telling you. Somehow in my head I managed to trick myself that I was broken and not good enough for you. So that was how I justified my behavior. I always missed you though. I would follow you online on your cases. I knew when you got promoted or solved a big case. I would watch on YouTube when you make public service announcements. I convinced Sherlock to reach out to you. I knew you would be good for him."

"You could have called."

"I know." I put my teacup down and move closer to him. " I turned off after everything happened. That day when I took all of those pills, that wasn't the first time I thought about killing myself. I used to think about it a lot. I still think about it. When I was at the hospital, they tried to get me to stop feeling like a victim and stopping hating myself for letting it happen. But the truth is, I did and I do feel like I did something wrong. And it is tiring. There are days, when I think it would just be easier to slip up and give in."

"And why don't you?"

I smile. "Maybe because I was raised Catholic, maybe because I knew how much it would hurt my family. All I know is that I haven't again. But I still haven't really felt normal again. I summerset myself in my work. When Sherlock met Irene, it was funny because I started to get jealous. Not because I wanted to be with Sherlock, but because he didn't need me anymore and I didn't have you. I realized then that I had been selfish in not calling you. But I didn't know what to do about it. Call you up and say, 'Hey Toby, long time no see. By the way sorry I flaked a while back. I had just been raped and you know how that goes." I was looking down and I said this.

"I would have liked that call." He holds my hands. "I would have liked any call." He stares at my hands and is rubbing them with his thumb. "I need you to say it again, but looking at me."

"Say what?"

"That you were raped. You don't look at me, when you talk about it. You are still ashamed aren't you."

"No." I am not ashamed anymore, at least I don't think so.

"You are ashamed to tell me."

"I am not."

"So then say it and look at me."

"Okay." I look up and watch his face. It has aged slightly and he looks tired. I open my mouth and nothing comes out. I smile and I can feel tears starting to form in my eyes. "I … I was, jesus why can't I say this…"

"just breathe." He is still holding my hands.

"I was … raped." The tears start flowing and Toby pulls me into his lap and I sit there crying. He is holding me tightly and kissing my forehead.

After what feels like minutes, when I slow down. I hear Toby say, "Good." I look up at him and he wipes the tears from my face. "The idea that somebody hurt you is unbearable. I don't know what I would have done if you had called. I know that right now I can barely control my anger. Today, I already blew up at 2 sergeants'. Bell has started to take over the investigation. He has also informed me that I will not be armed tomorrow. " I smile. "Last night, I tried to act like everything was normal between us. I was trying to be strong for you. But I am so angry and" He pauses for a moment, there are tears forming in his eyes. "I have never been so in love with someone. You were my best friend and then suddenly you weren't there anymore. Suddenly I was alone and I didn't know why. And now knowing why makes me feel so guilty that I was mad at you. And mad at myself for not knowing. And yet, here you are and I don't know what to do next. What do I do next? Because all I want to do is hold you in my arms and never let go."

"I don't know what's next. All I know is that crawling into you sounds so tempting. Staying in this room and never leaving sounds perfect. But I know I can't do that. I know that I need to stop hiding."

"I know."

"Can you help me with that? Can you help me not to hide?"

"I need to be okay with tomorrow, don't I?"

"Yeah, I need you to be okay. I need to know that you are there. I have needed you more than I allowed myself to admit. And I need to know that you will be there."

"I will."

"Good now since tomorrow is going to be a long day, we should probably get some sleep."

"Sounds good." Toby gets up and leads me into the bedroom. We both go to our respective sides. The curtains are still closed. Brady jumps onto the end of the bed. "He sleeps with me."

"Just means this bed could get very tight."

"I would like that." He opens his arms to me and I drape over him. My head is on his chest and my legs fall in between his. Tonight, we will not have sex. Tonight, we will sleep. "Annie?" He whispers.

"Yeah."

"I still love you." And with that I bury my face into his chest and kiss his heart. His hand goes falls down to the curve of my back and he holds me tight. I know that I am safe tonight.

"Toby?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks for letting me come home." I can feel him smile and he kisses the top of my head. I fall asleep pretty shortly after that.

I wake to the sound of his snoring. I am practically on top of him and Brady has taken the other side of the bed, so I am stuck. I look up and watch him. How could I have ever let him go? How could I have ever let this go? He is my home. I know that if I make it past today, then I will never leave. I run my fingers over his lips. Then over his nose and eyes. I can feel his heart beating below me. His breath is soft. He smiles and I know that I woke him up.

"I forgot how nice it was to wake up with you." He smiles and looks down at me. We don't say anything for a while, we don't need to. This is nice, just sitting here like this. Being here with him. "Promise me something." He whispers.

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't run away again. That anything that happens we will fight together. Can you promise me that?"

"I think I can do that."


End file.
